Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize