Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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