The maid of honor just puked.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
