3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize