Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Swine flu. Run for my life!

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

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(812): View more from Indiana

You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

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(469): View more from Texas

You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels

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(770): View more from Georgia

You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?

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(512): View more from Texas

My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.

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