I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize