I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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