my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
