1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
youre lurking in front of me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
