Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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