no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
