There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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