haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
