I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
