I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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