Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
