I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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