Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
