no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You are a genius and a whore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize