Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
