that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Text me some of your sweat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
