I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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