Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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