No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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