I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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