I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
3 2 1 whiskey
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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