Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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