My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
