I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
