she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
