I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
