Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
