Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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