Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
