R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
