What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
