i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
