I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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