capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
