He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
