We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
