My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
