No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
