You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
