Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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