yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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