kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
