So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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