So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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