you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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