as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
