I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
