this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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