Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
