tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
