If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
