dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
