I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
