Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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