areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
