i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
