I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
