I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
