how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
