you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
