I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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