How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want her autograph on my taint
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize