You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
