Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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