he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
