I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
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