so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
