i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize