the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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