I can tuck mytits in my pants
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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