I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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