i think my tv is drunk
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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