FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
