I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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