How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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