so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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