Barsexuality is the new black.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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