and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
