Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
