The maid of honor just puked.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
