she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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