i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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