yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
