I cannot find my penis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
