how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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