it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
