Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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