Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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