Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
