i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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