I'm so fucking centered right now
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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