Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
