Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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