I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
